Movie Review - Sunshine

Sunshine (3 of 5): Last Monday night, I had the opportunity to go to Chicago to check out an advanced screening of Sunshine before its wide release on July 20th. Sunshine is set 50 years into the future and follows a group of scientists and astronauts in their voyage to re-start our solar system’s dying sun. Along the way, the crew encounters the original ship that was sent to perform their task seven years prior and a horror that lies in wait.

Sunshine is a science fiction movie with horror elements introduced into the third act. I liked the science fiction, but I didn’t like the horror. It’s obvious that a lot of thought, consultation and time was spent to create a world that feels as though it could exist 50 years from now. There are some very interesting and cool scenes that the science fiction elements of the movie make possible. Unfortunately, in the end, the horror elements of the third act ruined my full enjoyment of this film. Its not that I dislike horror, but I think that Sunshine would have been better as just a pure science fiction film without the horror elements that seemed out of place and almost silly.

Performances are pretty good all around. The actors and actresses succeed in drawing moviegoers into the film to make them feel like they are a part of the crew on the ship. If you pay close attention you’ll notice that even the sun is presented as an actor in this movie, which is cool. Of course, this being a Danny Boyle film, the score and sound effects are terrific, although not as good as in some of his previous movies, i.e. Millions, 28 Days Later and Trainspotting. The special effects are also very good for a lower budget film, fully convincing me of their reality.

Overall, Sunshine is worth a viewing if you are a fan of space/science fiction movies - there just aren’t a lot of them out there these days, so we have to take what we can get. The story is unique, there are many exciting scenes, and the “science” of the film seems legitimate and interesting. Unfortunately, the third act of this movie is quite a departure from the rest of the film and I have a feeling will distract many people from a complete enjoyment of the movie.

PS - After the movie was over, the audience was treated to a Q & A session with the director, Danny Boyle. I expect to write up my thoughts on that portion of the evening within the next week, so stay tuned!

Advance Screening of Sunshine

Tomorrow night I will be going to Chicago to catch an advance screening of Danny Boyle's new movie Sunshine. After the screening, there is a Q & A session with Danny Boyle.

Of course, I will have a preview up on 2MovieGuys before the film hits wide release on Friday. Also, I hope to share some insights from the director.

Stay Tuned!

I Hate Fruit of the Loom

From this day forward, I will never EVER buy Fruit of the Loom underwear; not even undershirts.

During the 25 minutes (I shit you not) of commercials and previews I was treated to before Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix last night, a Fruit of the Loom commercial came on that almost sent me over the edge of sanity. It was one of the company's "music video" commercials that I have seen on TV. However, instead of being an easily tuned out 30 seconds long, this one was a whopping five times that at almost 2.5 minutes long! It is probably the worst example I have seen of a commercial playing in front of a movie, and is a perfect representation of my utter hatred and anger of having to sit through this crap before a film starts.

Unfortunately, since I couldn't find it on either YouTube or Google Video, I can't post the utter disgrace of an ad for your viewing pleasure. However, if you are interested in getting a taste of the pain and misery you'll soon be treated to in your local multiplex, check out the Fruit of the Loom website. The music video in question is called "Apple of My Eye".

Ten commercials and five previews added 25 minutes to the run time of Harry Potter Last night. This madness must end!

Happy Friday the 13th

Outside of Halloween and Flag Day, this is my favorite holiday. Wait, I'm being told it's not in fact a holiday. Regardless, this date always begs the never ending question: Who would win in a real battle for supremacy? Jason certainly has the longevity, but he has never had a DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince sing a song about him. My vote is for Jason. Freddy can't really hurt you until you sleep, and I am guessing that since Jason Vorhees is technically dead, and resides mostly at the bottom of Crystal Lake, that he doesn't actually sleep. I swear to god, if some creepy, virgin fanboy emails me on a technicality regarding when Freddy Krueger can kill during waking hours....

So go forth and celebrate. I like to lurk around in the woods waiting for horny teenagers to wander too far from camp. When I do it on Friday the 13th, it seems more natural.

Rant - The Summer of Threequels

For anybody paying attention, I think you’ll agree that there has been an obnoxious amount of sequels hitting theatres this spring and summer – mostly part 3s, or as I like to call them: Threequels (no, I did not coin the term).

We have already seen releases of threequels to Ocean’s 11, Spider-Man, Shrek, and Pirates of the Caribbean. Rest assured there is still more on the way. What’s the deal with all these threequels you ask? Well, most studios consider them a guaranteed payday since these films continue established franchises that have already performed very well at the box-office. Beyond that, I have to speculate. One thing I do know for sure though is that threequels have a remarkable history of sucking ass and de-railing their previously successful movie franchises. Take a look at some examples:

Jaws 3…SUCKED! Shrek 3…BLEW! X-Men 3…AWFUL! Spider-Man 3…LAME! Terminator 3…LICKED IT! Batman 3…CRAP! Beverly Hills Cop 3…TERRIBLE! Rambo 3…DEAR GOD! Godfather 3…SPARE US! Superman 3…FUGLY! Matrix 2 & 3 (written and filmed at same time)…HORRIBLE! Alien 3… DISASTER!



All of these movie franchises, and so many more, have had undeniably good first and second movies, followed by a shitty threequel. I am sure you can come up with your own examples as well. Go ahead… So, are we seeing a pattern here? I sure am. But why must the threequel so often be doomed to failure?

I think a lot of these movie franchises suffered because, as their popularity grew, too many people within the industry (writers, producers, studio execs, etc.) began to try to affiliate themselves with these money making movies. As a result, too many people try to have a say in the movie and end up watering down what made the first and second movies great. Just look at Spider-Man 3. Director Sam Raimi has been quoted as saying he hates Venom and did not want to use him in the movie. However, studio executives forced him to cater to fanboy demands and we were treated to a bloated film with too many story lines and characters.

Additionally, expanding budgets of each consecutive movie makes wasting time and money a lot easier and encourages crap writing, performances, etc. just so a quick paycheck can be collected. The Matrix sequels are a great example. Part 2 and 3 (filmed together) had one of the largest budgets of their time – they built a two mile strip of fake interstate at a cost of $2.5 million for god’s sake! What did all that money and concrete produce? Two crappy movies that feel like a rushed departure from the perfection created in the first.

Finally, I think that these threequel franchises have a tendency to suck the life out of the creative talent behind them. Writers, directors and even actors can spend up to a year or more working on each film. Picture doing that for three movies in a row and that can easily be five years of your life, depending on the production pace. Think about it: writer/producer/director George Lucas spent around 10 years producing the three Star Wars prequels! Who wants to spend five years or more of their life directing the same movie over and over again, only this time making it bigger, louder and faster? Usually what happens is that creative talent that made the first two movies great bails out on the third, handing the reins over to a people who have no clue and no love for the original material. This is precisely the path to suckville that X-Men, Terminator and Batman took.

We are even starting to see more planned threequels now. I think Back to the Future may have started this trend, and it has gained momentum with sequels to The Matrix, Pirates of the Caribbean and Lord of the Rings all filming their second and third movies at the same time. This saves the studios money through economies of scale, increases turn-around time and reduces burn-out of the creative talent. I imagine with the success of The Transformers that a similar approach will be taken with its sequels in hopes of releases in 2009 and 2010; and remember, we already know that Shrek 4 & 5 are currently in pre-production.

As we can see, just depending on sequels as a sure bet does not have a good performance track record. Its time for Hollywood to come to the realization that fresh talent and creative writing and ideas need to be injected into the studio system more often. Otherwise, each year we are going to be treated to more and more sequels of consistently degrading quality - like the planned sure fire hits of The Mummy 3 and Fantastic Four 3.

Anyway, I need to go mark my calendar for the threequel releases of Rush Hour, The Bourne Identity and Resident Evil; all coming out later this year!!

What other crappy threequels can you think of? Go ahead, share them in our comments section.

UPDATE!! (7/16/07) - Speaking of sequels, Variety has a nice article that talks about a variety (heh heh) of films coming out through 2010. Some sequels, but not tons of them! There is hope! Check out the article HERE

DOH! - We Lost

Well, it sounds like Springfield, IL put up the good fight, but to no avail. Our capitol city was entered into the running for hosting The Simpsons Movie premiere. It was one of 14 Springfield cities across the United States that participated in the contest by submitting a 3-5 minute video demonstrating their Simpsons spirit. The videos were then voted upon.





This from IMDB:

The world premiere of The Simpsons Movie will be held in Springfield, Vermont, after the town beat out 14 other Springfields to land the honor...

...The Vermont town, which has a population of 9,300, won an online vote and will become Simpsons central on July 21.

...Springfield, Vermont received 15,367 votes, beating Springfield, Illinois, which received 14,634 votes.

Movie Review - Smokin' Aces

Smokin’ Aces (3 of 5): In an effort to feed my recent craving for high-octane action movies, I checked out Smokin’ Aces. Basically, this movie is about two FBI agents trying to protect a mob snitch from various hitmen who are all trying to collect the contract on his head before he testifies against the mob.

Thankfully, I wasn’t totally let down by this film. Actually, this movie was better than I was expecting. Smokin’ Aces is one of those ultra-stylistic, large cast, action shoot ‘em ups that directors like Quentin Tarantino and Guy Ritchie have made popular. However, it really only feels like what would be left on the cutting room floor of a Quentin Tarantino or Guy Ritchie film. Sure, you can make a movie out of it, and it’ll be entertaining, but it’s not great because all the really great scenes have already been used.

After a questionable first few minutes of actors seeming to act WAAY to cool and many character introductions complete with super-cool “stop the movie and splash the name of the character on the screen” effects, Smokin’ Aces settles down into a watchable groove. Characters do their thing, come and go, and present the story with a fluidness that can only be offered by the excellent editing this film provides to such a long character list. Unexpectedly, you get to know each character a little and even start to sympathize some with some. Don’t get too attached though because bullets start flyin’ and people start dyin’. Just what you expect!

The performances are certainly competent in this film. Alicia Keys shows some talent and Andy Garcia plays the same stoned face character he did in Ocean’s 11 (only this time with a crappy accent). Jeremy Pivens produces some surprisingly emotional scenes and Ben Affleck simply succeeds in not annoying the crap out of me. The two actors that get the most screen time seem to be Ray Liota and Ryan Reynolds. Ray Liota does a fine job and gives a realistic performance. Ryan Reynolds actually has to hold up a lot of this movie and in that regard he succeeds. His tough guy “I have facial hair now which means I am older and not a funny actor anymore” image works much more in this movie than it did in the abortion of a film that was Blade Trinity.

All in all, this is a fun movie. It is a little overly long, kind of busy, and I don’t particularly like the melodramatic and fairly predictable ending, but if you overlook those aspects I think there is some fun and entertainment to be had watching this flick. Bullets definitely fly, chaos ensues and there are some surprises along the way, so make sure you are in the mood for action when you rent Smokin’ Aces.

Eli Roth - Haunted By His Closet

The 2 MovieGuys' Eli Roth expose continues...

In case you thought we were lying when we tried to expose the talentless Eli Roth last week, rest assured that others out there in the realm of the Internet agree. During my research on Eli, I found an article at HorrorYearBook.com that exposes his gayness through an intriguing review of his three films (Cabin Fever, Hostel & Hostel II) and his Grindhouse (Thanksgiving) trailer. Using examples pulled from his films, the author perfectly illustrates how Eli is in fact living in the closet. It is quite an interesting, humorous and eye opening read. From the article:

...There is a HUGE streak of misogyny and homophobia present in all of his films. Women are demeaned at every turn and there are instances-o-plenty of the pejorative use of the word “Gay” and some reliance on the word “Faggot.” Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not some easily offended PC wuss, but Jesus Christ, Roth GOES OUT OF HIS WAY to do it! To me, rampant hatred of women and homosexual men only means one thing… Eli Roth is probably gay.

...It’s like two guys saying “FUCK THEM QUEERS! Now let’s oil up and do squat-thrusts in front of each other!”

...I don’t even need to say it, but the shot of the knife going into the Cheerleader’s “Mahmoud Poonaninejad.” For God’s sake, what did the vagina ever do to Eli Roth for him to hate it so?

Check out the full article here: Dr. Royce Talks Eli Roth. It is funny, insightful and well worth the read, especially for anybody who actually thinks Eli Roth is A) talented and B) straight.

Movie Review - The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (4 of 5): A few months back I watched the first two movies of Sergio Leone’s The Man With No Name Trilogy (see those reviews here and here). The Good, The Bad and the Ugly finishes this trilogy of spaghetti westerns off in style. Set during the American civil war, Clint Eastwood’s character forges an uneasy alliance with a bandit in order to find 200,000 of buried Confederate gold.

The Good… is a great flick. It has an engrossing story, good shoot-outs, awesome characters, and even a few lines of humor too. It is also a beautifully filmed movie. The widescreen shots of the desert southwest are just breathtaking and set a wonderful tone for the film as a whole. Also, the sound in this film, as in the others, is really awesome. The sound of this movie has to be the king of Western films. I mean, who doesn’t recognize “aww-yee, aww-yee, awww, whah, whah, whah”? (well, maybe you don’t recognize it spelled out like that, but you do if you have seen this movie)

As I mentioned, the story is great, but it does get a little too elaborate for its own good. Having the civil war scenes throughout the movie and the extended scenes of character development are just too much in some instances. Some of these scenes just don’t add anything to the movie as a whole and only prolong the ultimate climax. Overall, I felt his film is longer than it needs to be.

But how about that climax!? It is arguably one of the best showdowns in Western movie cinema. The tension that it builds is just incredible and really fun to watch. I had a really good time watching The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. Although I have seen parts of it throughout my childhood, it was nice to finally sit down and watch it all through.

It's Official - Eli Roth is a Fag!!

Continuing our attack on Eli Roth, I noticed that Danny Boyle has something to say about the so called horror writer/director. And since I love to cream all over Danny Boyle, here is what he said...

This from the New York Daily News:

"Trainspotting" helmer Danny Boyle says Eli Roth, who directed the horror film "Hostel," isn't very good.

"His movies aren't even particularly well done," he told us at a screening of his "Sunshine," out July 20. "They're not even scary. They're horrible, but that's not scary. It's not suspense. And if you watch my films in detail, there's actually not a lot of violence in them. You get numb with violence very quickly."

So, it's official. Danny Boyle agrees with us. Eli Roth is a fag.

Movie Review - 16 Blocks

16 Blocks (3 of 5): In 16 Blocks, Bruce Willis plays Jack Mosley, an aging alcoholic cop who is tasked with escorting Eddie Bunker (played by Mos Def), a prosecution witness, from police custody to a nearby courthouse. Neither one recognizes that powerful forces exist intent on keeping them from reaching their destination. They even start to wonder if they will be lucky to make it to the courthouse alive.

16 Blocks is a decent film with solid performances by Mos Def, Bruce Willis and David Morse. When this movie started I was expecting a been-there, done-that, run-of-the-mill film. However, after a gripping sequence during the first action scene in this movie, I knew 16 Blocks was going to be a little different. I ended up being pleasantly surprised to see that 16 Blocks is deeper than your normal action/thriller film. The characters in this movie really shine. They are developed well and are much more interesting than you would expect of a movie of this caliber. There are of course some good action scenes, but they are appropriately spaced out with some compelling moments and a fitting ending.

These types of movies are hard to classify sometimes. Basically, I did not feel I watched anything superb after finishing 16 Blocks, but I would hardly call it a waste of time. It is solid and decent entertainment that is worth a couple hours of your time. In the same respect though, it also feels like one of those movies that, in about five years, we'll see playing on TBS ten times a day for weeks on end.

PS - Yes, the voice that Mos Def decides to use for his character is really annoying.

Rant - Enough Already

Has it been 15 minutes yet? Are we almost done with this current fad of torture/gore horror films? Seriously, raise your hand if you don't know what blood looks like by now.

I'm not sure why Tarantino got himself dragged into this mindless type of movie making. He actually has some writing and artistic talent. His acting blows, but as long as he isn't on screen too much it's tolerable. His recent double feature went pretty much un-viewed by most American viewers. His defensive to poor U.S. Box Office numbers: "A lot of American movie-goers can't appreciate these types of films, and don't have the sophistication of British viewers". Are you fucking kidding me? Listening to all the pre-movie hype and interviews with Tarantino, he talked about what a tribute, and throw-back to old 70's and early 80's horror movies the film would be. Guess what Quentin? There is a reason those types of movies aren't made anymore; no one likes them. Thanks for re-creating an obsolete movie genre, then insulting me for being too stupid to appreciate it.

Next is Eli Roth. Creator of such "classics" as Hostel, and Hostel 2. To be fair, I haven't seen either film, and I never will. I already have a pretty good working knowledge of what the inside of someone looks like, and personally don't find watching someone being tortured and mutilated to be that scary. This idiot actually begged and pleaded on his Myspace site after his movie Hostel 2 has only made to date: 17 million, for fans of the film to "go see the movie again, and bring a non-horror fan and try to covert them." He went on to say that the "R-rated movie was going to die with this film if more people don't go see it, and we will all be stuck with PG-13 crap." PG-13 rated movies are not killing the horror movie. It's the fact that that there weren't that many Marilyn Manson loving, molested by their uncle, viewers out there to begin with. And the rest of the people who ever watched this garbage were merely curious, and have since realized that there are only so many ways you can film a handcuffed victim being mutilated before it gets old.

Rodriguez gets a pass because his only error was the double feature with Tarantino. And like Tarantino, he has had a part in movies that I really liked. From Dusk Till Dawn, Desperado, Four Rooms, and Once Upon A Time In Mexico.

Overall, there is one glaring hypocritical point to be made with these movies. These 3 have been all over the media, bashing the current state of horror movies, claiming that the industry has become "cookie-cutter" in nature, and every new horror movie is the same as the last. Really? Clearly this means that SAW I, II, III, Hostel I, II, Turistas, See No Evil, and Captivity were all wildly original? Each of these films is nothing more than the next attempt to shock an audience with nudity and mindless gore. How about writing a story with a plot, and character development.

Not pictured: Rob Zombie, and his ridiculous brand of movie making. This douche nozzle is in another league. To his credit there is at least an attempt at a plot line and character development, but seriously, this guy needs to go get some therapy. It's nice to see that he is almost finished ruining the Halloween franchise. On the surface, that last sentence sounded ridiculous; Halloween ruined itself with endless sequels, however, once again, Rob Zombie and the aforementioned "geniuses" don't appreciate that horror movies (and Halloween is an excellent example) don't need massive amounts of blood and gore to be scary. Seriously, Rob Zombie just needs to make up with his dad and forgive his parents for divorcing, or whatever else caused his dementia. I would give him a cute little puppy dog if I didn't think he would sodomize and eat it.

Movie Review - Session 9

Session 9 (2 of 5): Session 9 centers around five hazardous materials workers who are cleaning asbestos out of an abandoned mental illness hospital. One of the workers finds some old tapes to listen to that chronicle the sessions that a mentally ill patient had with her doctor. As the patient’s story is slowly explained, one of the workers disappears and other things start to happen that make the workers start to question each other.

That’s all I will bother telling you about, because you’ll never watch this movie. At least I hope you won’t. Session 9 is boring with no real payoff or scares. Although its tone is generally creepy, as a whole the film feels more like a poorly produced made for TV movie. The film was shot in a real life abandoned mental hospital, but the weak story and scares sure don’t justify the expense this production probably went to in order to shoot at that location. There are maybe three creepy scenes in this movie and only one of them really scared me.

Other than that it is an utter waste of two hours. Although, the film is generally eerie and tense throughout, there is no payoff that makes it worthy of your time. What should have been a very cool premise for a horror movie was ultimately handled poorly and turned into a less than stellar film.

Quarterly Top 5 - 3rd Quarter 2007

This quarter slows down a little bit, which seems to be typical of the late summer months. Hollywood usually blows its wad early in May and June, leaving us with a strangely unsatisfied and hollow feeling until fall. Until the Oscar season strikes up this fall though, I think there are still going to be some good movies coming out over the next three months.

Here are our five most anticipated movies to see this quarter. As always, click on the movie title to jump to the movie's website for a trailer viewing.

MovieGuy #1:

1. Transformers - Battle to destroy the evil forces of... The Decepticons! This movie is gonna be a blast.
   
2. Superbad - This movie looks hilarious and co-stars Michael Cera (Arrested Development) whose comedic timing is freaking outstanding.
   
3. Sunshine - A science fiction movie directed by Danny Boyle - count me in.
   
4. The Bourne Ultimatum- I have found enough to entertain in the first two Jason Bourne movies. This one looks good too, but hopefully without the camera jerkiness.
   
5. Charlie Bartlett - Hearing more and more good things about this movie. Apparently harkens back to the likes of Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, etc.
   

More Transformers Trailer Goodness

I stumbled upon this international Transformers trailer today and just had to share it. This one has even more transforming goodness. Like I said in a previous post, even if this movie is awful, it is still going to be entertaining as hell. Enjoy.

Movie Review - True Romance

True Romance (5 of 5): I got a chance to watch True Romance again over the weekend. The film follows Clarence (Christian Slater) and Alabama (Patricia Arquette) who meet each other and fall instantly in love. When Clarence kills Alabama's pimp, the newlyweds ride off into the sunset with $5 million worth of stolen cocaine. Of course, with that much stolen drugs, the police and the mob are hot on their trail.

True Romance is a very entertaining movie. The screenplay was written by Quentin Tarantino, so that should give you an idea of the energy this film exudes. It is really kinetic and engaging, with scenes of light-heartedness/fun and also scenes of violence/hardship. You are also treated to an all-star cast of great performances. Names like Samuel Jackson, Gary Oldman and Dennis Hopper to name just a few (can you figure out who plays Elvis?). Finally, there are some great action scenes in this film that are built up to explosive levels of tension before their violent and bloody conclusions.

If you want to call it one of Quentin Tarantino’s movies, then it is one of his best – tight, to the point and engaging. True Romance is definitely in a league of its own and can be enjoyed through multiple viewings.

Movie Review - Gangs of New York

Gangs of New York (4 of 5): Martin Scorsese’s Gangs of New York focuses on the rise of Irish and Italian gangs in New York in the mid-1800s. Leonardo DiCaprio plays Amsterdam, a boy who watches his father, a prominent leader and priest, die in a territorial gang-fight. As a young man, Amsterdam seeks the revenge on his father’s killer, Bill "The Butcher" Poole, played by Daniel Day-Lewis. Along the way he finds love with a street-smart thief played by Cameron Diaz and begins to relate to his father’s killer a lot more than he cares to admit.

This movie is very well done even though it is overly long and contains an unneeded love story. Overall, the cast is exceptional. Daniel Day-Lewis is amazing in this film and gives a frighteningly realistic performance as Bill. Even Cameron Diaz who is not normally associated with movies of this type, really looses herself to the character she plays. The story is very entertaining – typical Scorsese gangster fare, only this time set in the 1800s. I especially like how the politics of the time are so prominently displayed throughout the movie. There is a lot of detail showing how tough, chaotic, frenzied and corrupt life was in the growing city of that time.

Gangs of New York presents an entertaining and engrossing story that really transports you back in history. The sets, characters, story, etc. all feel unique and believable. It is definitely recommended as one of Martin Scorsese’s best films.

Transformers Excitement Builds

I for one can't wait for the Transformers movie to hit theaters on July 3rd. Even if director Michael Bay takes a big steamy dump all over my fond childhood Transformer memories (like the 80's cartoon series and the awkwardness of my friends and I pausing the fight in order to transform our toys during the middle of a heated Transformer "battle") I think I'll still find something to like this movie. I mean, how can you not like a movie with big fucking fighting robots, cars, jets, explosions and Jon Voight? Seriously, this movie is gonna kick ass - I hope.

In order to get everybody pumped up for the film, I want to share this little gem I came across while surfing the web. Now these people are Transformers fans! Check this movie out.

Movie Review - 28 Weeks Later

28 Weeks Later (3 of 5): This movie is the sequel to Danny Boyle’s 28 Days Later, but hopefully you knew that since the title of the film is so cleverly thought up. In this movie, we follow the citizens of London as they start to move back into their city after the rage virus pandemic is brought under control. However, when one woman turns up as a carrier of the virus, all hell breaks loose.

I liked this movie. It is a decent follow up to its predecessor, but ultimately not as good. Largely, this is due to my preference of the first movie’s more personal story and almost claustrophobic feel. You could really relate to the characters of the first film and ask yourself what you would do in their situations. Plus, the first movie was a nice new spin on the “zombie flick” which made it feel fresh and new.

In 28 Weeks Later, the film has many more characters and thus feels far less personal. The sequel mostly forgoes a character driven story for more action and more blood. That’s not to say there aren’t some good character moments in this film. The first ten minutes of the movie are frantic and provide one heck of a “holy shit” moment of decision that haunts the characters for the rest of the movie.

28 Weeks Later is a lot bloodier, more violent, and action oriented than the first. I didn’t mind this, but I did find the way they shot the action to be really annoying. The camera is in constant motion and during action/scary scenes it gets really hard to follow what is going on. The other thing that kind of annoyed me about 28 Weeks Later is that there are some ridiculous decisions made by the Army in this movie – stuff that (I hope) would never happen in the real world.

I don’t hold many faults to this film though. It is decent sequel and provides some scary entertainment. Also, this movie is depressing as hell, which is good. Survival horror movies should wear you out and make you feel hopeless by the end. 28 Weeks Later succeeds in doing that.

PS – I wanted to also share a great bit of irony that I noted in my movie experience. Before the movie, I was forced to sit through a five minute long propaganda commercial about why the US National Guard is so great and how much the Guard protects us. Then, I watched the movie and noticed how much the US Army screws up in its protection of London’s citizens (to the point of actually ordering the murder of ALL of the city’s inhabitants!). When the irony of the US National Guard commercial playing before this film about the US Army slaughtering a city’s civilians hit me, I had to laugh.

Rant - Would It Kill You To Clean The Bathrooms?

Call me crazy, but am I the only one who finds it remarkable that my $8.00 movie ticket does not include an attempt at keeping the bathroom somewhat clean? Every time I step foot in these places, the bathroom stalls look like a fresh murder scene. I am so thankful that I have bowels that refuse to evacuate themselves in a public place; especially one so hideous.

Seriously, teenagers will do anything for a regular paycheck, have one of them go in with some Clorox and a mop, and get rid of some of the DNA that covers the walls and sinks. While you are at it, how about making your employees take 5 minutes out of their socializing about who is dating this week's school whore; and go pick up some of the garbage I have to wade through to get to my bacteria-ridden theatre seat?

So next time you are at the local movie theatre, feel free to complain to the theatre manager about the condition of the facility, and thank him for the raging case of herpes you just contracted from the toilet seat. Just because this guy doesn't care what the bathroom looks like, it doesn't mean you do.

Move Review - Blade Trinity

Blade Trinity (2 of 5): Wow! Want to see how to completely kill a successful movie franchise? Just watch Blade Trinity. This film effectively destroys the coolness that was created with the first two Blade movies by giving us a campy follow-up of bad story, bad CGI, bad acting, bad writing, bad comedy and bad fight choreography. I am not going to provide my usual synopsis of the story in this review. It should be enough to know it has to do with the return of Dracula. Sounds cool, huh? Too bad this film absolutely blows it.

I think Wesley Snipes was looking for a quick paycheck with this one because the whole production seems wacko, especially the casting choices. I mean, who puts Ryan Reynolds in a movie like this? He is one of my favorite comedic actors, but his usually funny humor is so uncomfortably forced and out of place in this movie it is pathetic. Parker Posey is awful too and can barely talk with fake vampire teeth in her mouth. There is even a crazy scene of Dominic Purcell as Dracula walking down the street to some sort of music. It plays out like a really bad rap video from MTV and actually made me laugh.

In my opinion, the only thing that even remotely redeemed this movie is the cool costume effects that were used for Dracula. In this day and age of CGI, it would have been easy to make Blade fight a computer generated character. Well, maybe not “easy” for this film’s production team, but you get my meaning. Anyway, I thought it was refreshing to see that an actual costume was created and used. It definitely added to the realism of the character. Oh yeah, and Jessica Biel was easy on the eyes too (thanks for reminding me of that Maverick!).

Ignore this film. The first two Blade movies were entertaining while maintaining a sense of realism and consequence that the the third film forgoes and substitutes with camp.

Movie Review - Cars

Cars (4 of 5): Cars is another great movie from the folks at Pixar Animation Studios. The film is about a brash, impatient, egotistical sports car named Lightening Lightning McQueen that is fast becoming the best race car in the circuit. Then, one night McQueen ends up getting lost in the desert and accidentally tears up the street in a sleepy old town on Route 66. When McQueen is forced to stay in the town and fix the road, he slows down enough to realize that there is more to life than just his own conceited desires.

Cars presents a great story and is fun movie to watch. The animation is of course brilliantly executed by Pixar - both the colors and textures pop off the screen. As in their past movies, there are multiple layers to the story that serve to keep both kids and adults entertained with important life lessons and messages. The voice work is also very well done with no one voice overshadowing the on screen magic - even Larry the Cable Guy.

Cars is not Pixar's best movie, but it certainly ranks among the best of the studio's offerings. If you have not seen it yet, I encourage you to take the time to rent this film and check it out.

Rant - Paris & The Media

I have just about reached a boiling point with this country and the crap media we choose to indulge ourselves with on a daily basis. Yes, I am talking about the current media coverage of the disgrace of a human being, the slime of a life form, the utter worthless sack of skin and bones that is Paris Hilton.

Why in the hell is this chick news?? This is almost as bad as the recent (and still ongoing) Anna Nichole Smith fiasco. Every time I have walked by the TV in my lobby at work over the past two days FOX News' talking heads are discussing Paris Hilton and her early release from jail. It makes me sick.

If anything about this story is news it is that the Los Angeles County Sheriff officials have committed a grievous error by freeing her early and putting her under house arrest to serve the rest of her sentence. Honestly, has this ever happened in the history of the U.S. criminal justice system? If our incarcerated killers get sick like Paris will they get released? I don't think so. It is a terrible double standard that only serves to tarnish the criminal justice system of this country.

People! Get a grip! There are real serious problems in this country and the world that we all need to solve together. How are we supposed to rally around them if our media outlets pour this shit down our throats instead of focusing on the real issues? Now, I know not all media outlets are to blame, but the ones who pander this garbage need to be held accountable. Stop giving them viewership (ratings) when they try and turn this entertainment into news. Life is not a reality TV show! If you stop watching it, then FOX News, et. al will loose advertising dollars and start focusing on topics of importance. If they don't change, then maybe they will go off the air. Who knows, that might even be better.

I don't know about you, but can't wait for Fox's next season of The Simple Life: House Arrest. Don't laugh - you know it is coming.

Movie Review - Knocked Up

Knocked Up (5 of 5): Easily, the funniest movie of the year thus far. The story involves a guy who manages to have a one night stand with a beautiful girl, who is way out of his league. Several weeks down the road she discovers she is pregnant. The rest of the movie revolves around how this pot smoking slacker handles the responsibility of impending fatherhood.

The best part of the film is seeing different elements of yourself in the characters. The characters are incredibly realistic and believable. You could be the hot, career minded woman who slips up, has a one night stand with a loser, gets pregnant, and has no idea what to do with her life. Maybe you are an overweight, video game playing, internet porn surfing, slacker, who has no real idea what he wants to do with life. Or you could be the bitter married couple with kids who fight about everything after realizing the magic is gone, and having kids eliminates a lot of your "options".

Note: This film almost received a 4 out of 5 rating due to one horribly inappropriate scene. When the young woman does finally give birth, the "birthing" is shown in graphic detail. I guess the point was to illustrate the true nature of the event as viewed through the eyes of the over-whelmed father-to-be; either way it was very unnecessary. And I don't want to hear a bunch of crap from people about how beautiful and natural this "Miracle" is. It may be beautiful to you to watch your wife's vagina split open like an over-ripe melon, but not everyone wants to see it. Also, it's not much of a miracle at this point. I think some of the mystery has been effectively solved at this point. It was a miracle when little, sweet baby Jesus was concieved and born. "Miracles" don't happen 288,000 per day. (That's a real stat...look it up.)

Movie Review - The Fountain

The Fountain (3 of 5): The Fountain is a bit of a mixed bag. At its heart, it is a love story, but it also has some science fiction and fantasy elements, which makes classifying the movie as any one particular genre difficult. Unfortunately, I think this aspect hinders the movie from being really good.

The film is presented in three different time periods. Tomas (Hugh Jackman) is a 16th century Conquistador on a hunt to retrieve sap from the mythical Tree of Life for his queen (Rachel Weisz), who is desperate for immortality. In 2005, Tom (Jackman) is a doctor searching for the cure to cancer to save the life of his wife Izzi (Weisz), who is in the final days of her battle with death. Then, many years later, Tom travels through space on a quest to reach the place of tranquility that Izzi spoke fondly of, using the Tree as a device to get him to the answers he needs to finally rest.

The various elements of the story, including time, immortality, love and spirituality form a story that is challenging and demanding to the viewer of the film. Although these elements are a great strength to the movie by making it such a unique film, they also drag the movie down too. In the end I felt that there was very little actual story presented and a whole lot of mildly confusing filler and visual imagery. The story itself needed to be grander to fit the epic scale of time that the film spans. Also, it may frustrate some viewers that the ending is not very clear. There are a lot of different ways that you can fit the various pieces of the movie together based on the ending of this film.

Overall, I liked the Fountain. There are some great performances from both Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz. If the story was just a little more clear and well developed and there was more reason to care about the characters plights, I would have liked it a lot more.

Television Review - Extras: Season 1

Extras: Season 1 (4 of 5): One of my favorite writer's and comedic actors right now is Ricky Gervais. I was first introduced to his brand of comedy through the BBC version of The Office, which he co-wrote and starred. When that show ended he he has since co-produced the American version of the Office and co-wrote/starred in The Extras for HBO.

Gervais has great comedic timing, wonderful facial expressions and the perfect wit and sarcasm. He carries all these traits over to Extras, in which he plays a movie studio extra. Each episode follows him and his female friend as they interact with a famous actor/actress. Usually these interactions result in a lot of uncomfortable moments, stupidity, embarrassment, follies and faux-pas.

The show has a lot of elements that make it really funny. Each episode features a different well known actor/actress that shows a personal (although fictional) side of his/herself that seems totally out of whack with their perfectly constructed media image. For example, in one of the funniest episodes of the season, Kate Winslet demonstrates a penchant for sexual innuendo and humor. In another, we see how egotistical and foul mouthed Ben Stiller can be.

All in all, this is a great comedy. Highly recommended for anybody who even remotely thinks The Office or Seinfeld is funny and very highly recommended for those who appreciate dry and sarcastic humor. Check it out and then watch the second season which releases this week on DVD.

Movie Review - Shrek The Third

Shrek The Third (2 of 5): This movie should have been called Dreck The Third because it sucks. I was highly disappointed with this film. Basically, it is about Shrek trying to find an heir to the thrown after Fiona's father dies. He finds out Arthur (as in King Arthur) has family ties and then sets out with Donkey and Puss In Boots to go get him and bring him back. Unfortunately, while they are gone, the happy kingdom is overtaken by Prince Charming in a vie for power.

Anyway, the movie is quite a departure from the first two movies, both of which I really enjoyed. The story is so unimaginative and uninteresting that it actually bored me a few times and I considered a nap. Nothing really happens with the characters. Except for Fiona's pregnancy (which could have been a great movie all by itself) none of the characters are really developed. Everything becomes boring and repetitive and this movie has way too many characters with nothing to do that are making return appearances. I also did not find this film as funny as its predecessors. Although I was never a huge fan of all the pop-culture comedic references in the first two (because it is such easy/lazy humor to write), they are largely missing from the third and the movie actually feels empty as a result. Maybe I was expecting them. Similarly, as much as I hated the Smashmouth theme song (gosh, maybe I didn't like the first two movies as much as I though! :)) this third movie has a very lackluster soundtrack.

Well, if you are a kid I am sure you liked it, but if you are an adult, you should know that there is a lot less entertainment in this film than in Shrek 1 or 2 that will appeal to you. Hopefully this is as bad as the series gets, because guess what folks - we are going to be treated to a Shrek 4 and 5 within the next few years! Gosh, I love sequels!

Movie Review/Dedication - Roller Boogie

Roller Boogie (5 of 5): This review is inspired by the lovely, ass-kicking "PrissKilla Prezleys" from the Memphis Roller Derby League. Especially, Chica Bandita, Lynda-Licious, Do-me-a-favor, and Hustlin Flow. Normally, I would have seen this on Showtime, watched 30 seconds, laughed hard, and kept moving. But since my drinking buddies and I have a newly-found appreciation for roller sports; I thought I would give it a try. Roller Boogie tells the story of a rich girl from California (Linda Blair) who is tired of her wealthy parents who don't pay any attention to her. She runs away and hooks up with the low-income, resident roller-skating hunk (did I just write that?) who aspires to win a gold medal in the Olympics for USA in roller skating. I don't know how this movie was passed up for an academy award. This movie is a cheezy as it comes. Lots of roler rink music, Cher....Abba...and other fine selections. Linda Blair actually plays a pretty sincere rich girl. Her dialogue and character are pretty strongly delivered. Also, she was, and for that matter still is, one of the most beautiful women from that generation. Don't believe me? Check here, or here and especially here. The movie gets an honorary 5 out of 5 due to all the short shorts, low-cut tops, beautiful women, and most importantly, The PrissKilla Prezleys might hunt me down and kick my ass if I give it anything else.

Flash! .... AAAaaa!

This is old news, but new to me and totally awesome to hear. The Digital Bits reports:

Universal has finally announced the Flash Gordon: Saviour of the Universe Edition! The single-disc DVD release will street on 8/7 (SRP $26.98). the film will be presented in anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 audio. There will be at least some special features and the title will come in "premium" packaging. No other details are yet available.

I freaking love this movie. The cheesiness, the Queen soundtrack, the B-movie camp factor - its all there to make a fantastic and ridiculously fun adventure. I can remember being totally entertained watching this film as a kid. Anyway, as you can tell I am really excited to have the opportunity to buy a Region 1 DVD of the film. This is one that I have been wanting in my collection for a long time.

Check out the kick-ass Alex Ross DVD cover art!

Movie Trailer - 28 Weeks Later

In my opinion, this is going to be one of the better movies to come out this Friday. Here is the most current trailer for 28 Weeks Later, the survival horror follow-up to Danny Boyle's 28 Days Later. Looks good!

Movie Review - Miami Vice

Miami Vice (2 of 5): I knew Miami Vice was going to suck, but for some reason I felt oddly compelled to watch it anyway. At the very least, I thought it would entertain with some great explosions, cool car chases, and hot women. Too bad this movie contains none of the above. Actually, it is kind of hard to really figure out what this film was about. You're just sort of thrown into the story without any exposition or character development, and since everybody either super-cooly grunts their lines or has a really bad accent, I spent most of the film just trying to figure out what people were saying. Then, throughout the rest of the movie I was mostly just distracted by Colin Farrel's annoying haircut and bushy mustache. The story goes nowhere with characters you could care less about and an ending that is absolutely abysmal. If there was one thing I liked about this movie it is that the gunfight at the end is actually very well filmed, making the visuals and sound highly realistic and entertaining. Too bad most people probably missed it by leaving the theater early.

Movie Review - The Good Shepherd

The Good Shepherd (3 of 5): Matt Damon stars in this drama that examines the early history of the CIA as seen through the eyes of a dedicated agent named Edward Wilson. As an upstanding, sharp-minded Yale student, he is recruited to work for the CIA during World War II and the film follows his career within the organization up to the Bay of Pigs invasion. Though loyal to his country, Wilson begins to feel the job eroding his ideals, filling him with distrust and utterly destroying his personal life.

It’s a great setup to what I expected be a pretty cool espionage thriller. Unfortunately, it doesn’t add up and the film becomes frustrating and even boring at times. The story is told through multiple flashback sequences which make following the story and its characters difficult. Plus, the viewer is never really keyed in to understanding what this movie is about. Instead of a gripping story with some good intrigue and mild action scenes, the movie feels more like a jumble of arbitrary conversations that don’t add up to a whole lot by the end of this almost three hour film. It left me wondering what I was supposed to get from it all, besides a mild case of depression for how crappy Wilson’s life turns out after so many years with the CIA. Although there is some minimal payoff at the very depressing end of this film, it’s not enough from saving The Good Shepherd from being mediocre at best.

Movie Review - For a Few Dollars More

For a Few Dollars More (4 of 5): For a Few Dollars More is the solid follow-up to Sergio Leone’s A Fistfull of Dollars, and part two of the Man With No Name trilogy. This movie continues the story of The Man With No Name (Clint Eastwood) as he joins forces with Colonel Mortimer (Lee Van Cleef) to catch a ruthless outlaw named Indio. Eastwood is after money but Van Cleef’s motives remain mysterious for much of the film. Van Cleef is such a solid acting presence in this movie, and his character's story is so much more developed, that he pretty much steals the show from Eastwood in this film. Throw in some great shoot-outs, deadly double crosses, an awesome musical score, and heavy doses of violence and you've got yourself one highly entertaining western. It's definitely a film you won't hesitate to watch again sometime on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Movie Review - Over the Hedge

Over the Hedge (3 of 5): Here’s your basic kids movie, released by Dreamworks last summer to capitalize on the current trend of computer animated “buddy” flicks. The film is about a sneaky raccoon that accidentally destroys a bear’s food stash. Understandably, the bear is pissed and gives the raccoon until next full moon to get it all back, or else… The raccoon befriends a group of naïve animals who wake up from hibernation to find their woods completely surrounded by suburban expansion. The hilarity ensues when they help the raccoon steal all the stuff he is looking for from local suburbanites. Of course, its drama time when the other animals find out they are being used and friendships dissolve as a result. Then, in the face of adversity, friends re-unite and everybody learns some important lessons. Gee, sound familiar? Yeah, it’s good stuff for kids but pretty formulaic for adults.

There really is nothing special about this movie, except for maybe the wide array of actors and actresses that lend their voice talent. Unfortunately, we have seen the basic story recreated a million times over the years, so it all seems rather repetitive at this point. The animation is okay. Although bright and colorful, I thought the textures could have been better in some areas. Overall, I felt the movie looked thrown together and rushed to get it out to theater for the busy and profitable summer season ’06.

Movie Review - Children of Men

Children of Men (5 of 5): Children of Men is a fantastic science fiction thriller with a powerful social and political message. The setting of the film is London, in 2027. As the movie opens, we see that the world’s youngest person (an 18 year old) has died. Yup, eighteen years ago, women across the globe suddenly could not get pregnant anymore. Subsequently, the human race faces extinction. Since then, the world has slowly decayed. Violence is prevalent, wars have broke out, resources are becoming scarce and London resembles a fascist state; currently the process of deporting all of its immigrants. Society is in shambles, but things change when a single woman mysteriously becomes pregnant. This prompts a conflicted government bureaucrat (Clive Owen) and his ex-wife (Julianne Moore) to join forces to protect her.

I loved this movie – everything about it is great. The future scenario that is portrayed perfectly fits a future you could anticipate too see 20 years from now, especially given today’s political and social climates. The story is excellent and extremely gripping. It hooked me early, kept me enthralled, and never let go. All of the subtle visuals in the backgrounds and settings really add to the realism of the story too. I also thought that the characters are really well thought out, and their actions were driven by realistic motives. It is excellent story-telling all around. The film is beautifully shot too! Two scenes in particular are almost too exhausting to watch: one during a car chase early in the film, and the other towards the end during an escape from a war-torn city. These scenes are really effective at pulling you in and actually had me so tense I had to consciously remind myself to relax. Pay attention, what makes these two scenes so compelling is that they were filmed like a documentary, with ridiculously long takes on a hand held camera – no editing. It's really fantastic!

Anyway, Children of Men is an extremely effective movie that will have you thinking about its message for a few days after watching it. The film was actually nominated for cinematography, film editing, and adapted screenplay awards in the 2007 Academy Awards, but did not win in any category. It is unfortunate that the movie slipped under the radar late last year because it deserved better. One of the best films of 2006 - highly recommended.

Movie Review - Blades of Glory

Blades Of Glory (4 of 5): Gayest...Movie...Ever. (Not that there is anything wrong with that; as long as it's two hot women). Similar to the last Will Ferrell movie reviewed on the site, there is not a lot that needs to be said here. I think everyone knows the plot: Chazz Michael Michaels (Ferrell) and Jimmy MacElroy (Heder) are arch rival figure skaters. After being banned from competitive skating (what the hell is that?), they discover that the only way to get back into the business is to team up in couples skating. Obviously, the entire movie is laced with homosexual inuendo, a kick-ass 80's rock soundtrack, and some of the best laugh-till-you-almost-throw-up-moments in a long time. You can't go wrong with this movie; assuming you like Will Ferrell. It's better than Talladega Nights, and equal to Anchorman.

Movie Review - Rocky Balboa

Rocky Balboa (4 of 5): After the train wreck that was Rocky V, I was a little nervous to revisit this franchise. Turns out Rocky still has some life left though because this is a pretty good movie. The focus of the film is not on the “big fight” as it is has been in previous installments. Instead, this movie gets back to the roots of the original, with a decent writing and directing effort by Stallone that focuses on an aging Rocky Balboa, his life, family, friends, and unmet goals. The film has some nice inspirational messages, and even though I thought the editing of the boxing match at the end left something to be desired, I was happy with the overall ending and the movie as a whole. In my mind, this movie definitely replaces the fifth film as the real conclusion to the Rocky saga.

If I had to rate the Rocky movies from best to worst, they would fall in place like this:

1. Rocky - "Yo, Adrian!"
   
2. Rocky II - "Ya, lousy bum!"
   
3. Rocky Balboa - "Let's start buildin some hurtin bombs!"
   
4. Rocky IV - "I vill break you!"
   
5. Rocky III - "I pity the foo!"
6. Rocky V - "Time to put some hustle behind this muscle!"
   

What do you think?

Movie Trailer - 1408

Here is a movie trailer I stumbled upon today for a film called 1408. Apparently, it is based on a short-story written by Stephen King. Has anybody read it? The movie definitely looks creepy. Look for it in July. Enjoy!

Movie Review - Happy Feet

Happy Feet (3 of 5): This is a rather bizarre movie about a penguin who can’t sing (huuhh?). Instead, he is a really good dancer (umm, WTF am I watching here?). Ostracized from his community, the penguin goes on an adventure with some other penguins to make contact with the “aliens” (humans) and find out why the fish supply is dwindling. News to me, but apparently adventures of this kind in the Antarctic require a lot of song and dance routines to unusual selections of music (sorry, nothing of JTs) and interaction with a variety penguins with some variant of Robin Williams' voice. Yes, truly, the Antarctic is a strange and wondrous place!

The music routines are hit and miss, but overall are fun. The animation is excellent. I was especially impressed by the wide screen shots of the penguin colonies. The story could have been a little tighter, cutting at least 15 minutes from the film. Unfortunately, late in the movie, the environmental message becomes both preachy and cheesy, leading to an ultimately muddled message that many kids will probably overlook. Overall this movie was just okay, surprisingly beating the far superior Monster House for Best Animated Feature at the 2007 Oscars.

#1 Fan

While catching up with our beloved little site, I couldn't help but notice some mention of myself and a certain Mickey Mouseketeer (link). I am secure enough in my manhood to admit that I don't entirely hate J.T. (yes, we are that close..I refer to him as J.T.)

Let's evaluate his accomplishments thus far:

1. He sells a lot of records. Normally, not always a good indication of talent, but I must say; despite the occasional homo-erotic ballad; some of his music is pretty unique and talent filled.

2. Managed to have sex with Britney Spears...before she turned into boozed soaked, no talent whore.

3. Allegedly, one of the only Mouseketeers that wasn't sexually molested by Goofy in the basement of the "It's a Small, Small World" ride at Magic Kingdom.

4. Managed to secure a major voice-over role in Shrek 3

5. Brought sexy back.

So, in closing, I would just like to say: Have fun taking your shots at us...I mean him now while you can. But when Alpha Dogs 2 comes out, there is always room on the J.T. bandwagon for you.

Movie Review - The Science of Sleep

The Science of Sleep (2 of 5): The Science of Sleep is written and directed by the same director/co-writer of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, so I was naturally excited to see it since I think ESSM is a fantastic movie. The Science of Sleep is about a timid young man who can't control the fantastical plots and images of his dream world from intruding into his waking hours. Failing at his new job, he finds inspiration in his neighbor, Stephanie. However, his waking insecurities threaten to destroy their relationship.

Although I thought this movie demonstrated some very creative and imaginative dream sequences, they do not save the film from being an overall bore. The characters act in really bizarre and unnatural ways in their interactions and the story becomes muddled and confusing. You can’t relate to these characters because their interactions are so confusing, so the movie just becomes a lot of weird dreamy sequences strung together with arguments and reconciliations. Plus, the ending to this movie is terrible.

Movie Review - A Fistful of Dollars

A Fistful of Dollars (5 of 5): A young Clint Eastwood kicks some ass in the first installment of Sergio Leone’s The Man With No Name trilogy. Folks, this is spaghetti western entertainment at its finest. As a wandering gunman, Eastwood’s character rides into a feud between two families and plays each side against the other. Great action, a tight story, funny moments, suspense, drama, cheese… This film has it all and I loved it. Special thanks to my brother-in-law for letting me borrow it.

NB Must Not C TV

I read this today on the IMDB:

...NBC recorded its lowest ratings during a regular season in its history, trade reports indicated today (Monday). Dreadful numbers for comedy shows My Name Is Earl, The Office, 30 Rock, and Scrubs...

Bad news for fans of these shows. It makes me wonder what kind of knee-jerk reaction we're in store for by the studio execs at NBC. Hopefully, they realize that this line up of shows is their funniest in a long time (possibly since the delightful comedy hit, Joey) and will let the "numbers" pan out. I wholeheartedly recommend all four of these shows and have been especially enjoying the hilarity of 30 Rock this season. Check it out on Thursday nights at 8:00 CDT.

Full story here.

Movie Review - 300

300 (2 of 5): Okay, I think I am going to get a lot of grief for my stand on this movie, but here it goes: 300 is not that good. I was ready to love this film, but by the end I found it to be mostly a disappointment. 300 is a fictional account of a real life Spartan battle. Based upon Frank Miller’s graphic novel of the same name, it is the story of 300 Spartan warriors who hold off an invading Persian army of millions in the battle of Thermopylae.

This movie is pure eye candy, and if you fit the target demographic for this film (18-24 yr old, male, videogame player, Amp^TM drinker, bi-curious fraternity member) I am sure you loved it. However, for the rest of us, let’s be a little more critical. Sure, 300 provides some great action scenes of battle and manly hardcoreness, but I think little else. You likely know that this movie is extremely violent and highly stylized, and although the battle scenes are very creative and exciting to watch at first, they soon become monotonous and then downright tedious/boring after the 1000^th slow-motion bloodletting with patented “splurch” sound effect. Trust me, two hours of slow motion giggling man-boobs gets really annoying. Did I mention this entire movie is in slow motion?! Think about that… Anyway, taken separately, the battle scenes are fun, exciting, visually awesome, and for the most part a pretty good time. Yet, taken as a whole, they are an exercise in patience.

Since this is getting too long, I will wrap it up. My other major complaints are that the film is filled with too much melodrama, clichés and an out of place political back story that feels tacked on. You are also told how great Sparta is about a million times over, so be ready for a brainwashing. In all honesty though, I do give a lot of credit to the movie on a technical level because its cinematography, f/x and production design are absolutely brilliant. Overall though, the film can’t be saved from being a shallow experience – one devoid of truly good story telling or characters to really care about.

Integrity...Service...Downtime

Over the past 6 months, I had very little opportunity to watch any real movies. I did however have plenty of time to sleep on a prison-like bunk, sharing filthy living quarters with a bunch of other guys, (one of which, only owned 2 pairs of torn T.J. Maxx underwear), and taking mildly homoerotic, steamy group showers. In addition, I learned a few things:

1. Drinking 14 shots of Tequila that is older than yourself, can take away your desire for Tequila.

2. Female arm wrestlers, although very tough looking, are in fact not stronger than me.

3. Some movies are not meant to be viewed over, and over again.

Case in point, there were occasional times when there was a "break" in training. During these times, in between insulting each others mothers and and hoarding Oreo cookies, I was able to view a small collection of movies. Some classics, others...well, see for yourself.

Full Metal Jacket (5 of 5): This one gets a good rating, not only because it is a great movie, but it was kind of the theme of the entire training. Running, getting yelled at, a fat guy in my class that looked like Pyle (you know who you are). It certainly provided some great quotes for our time spent. (Times viewed: 2)

Dumb and Dumber (5 of 5): This may seem like a gracious score, but really, it's a movie that still provides laughs each time you see it. Also, I found several new funny lines and actions in the movie that I had never noticed before. (Times viewed: 3)

Smokey and the Bandit (3 of 5): I know this movie is probably sacred to Nascar fans and white trash (is there a difference?), but to people who don't weld, or pour concrete for a living; it's not worth multiple viewings. Although, it is amazing just how "non-politically correct" Sheriff Buford T. Justice is in the film. If you still own a VCR or Beta-Max, go check it out for yourself. (Times viewed: 2)

Blackhawk Down (2 of 5): Josh Hartnett is a clown shoe. I don't buy into any movie he is involved in, and as discussed at length many times before with Movie Guy #1; If there are actors in a movie who I dislike, the movie is pretty much ruined for me. (See: Fight Club) Now, if the movie had Tom Berenger, and was all about sniping bad guys...5 stars easy. (Times viewed: 2)

Spaceballs (2 of 5): I think this movie is horribly over-rated. Maybe because every weekend, it seems to be showing on WGN or TNT, and I am totally burnt out on it, but I have never found it to be that amusing. Not even in the 6 month long mini-hell, was I able to really laugh at any "Schwartz" jokes. (Times viewed: 1)

Marked For Death (2 of 5): My favorite Steven Seagal movie of all time! The only reason this doesn't get a score of 1 of 5, is because at least the soundtrack is good. I use to have it on cassette. It's all Reggae. Also, the fight scenes and dialogue are funnier that Spaceballs. (Times viewed: 1)

Death Warrant (1 of 5): Are you kidding me? Who keeps green-lighting all these Jean-Claudde van Damme movies? It pains me to even rank this with a 1. It must have been a banner year for movies in 1990. This piece of shit, along with Marked For Death were released. I can't believe this movie made $15 million in the theatre.

Now maybe I can get back to real life, and start watching some good movies. Does anyone know when the next Look Who's Talking movie comes out?

Change in the Air

Boy, I tell ya, Movie Guy #2 can be a real ass. As soon as he got back from his super secret agent training he was all like "What the f**k? Why hasn't the MovieGuys blog been updated more frequently in my absence?" I tried to tell him how I was tired, had school and fatherly duties, and felt burnt out... He just stood there with an expressionless look on his face and then said "Yeah, yeah, I have heard it all before; it's the same thing with all you guys - the drugs, the prostitution, the crime". At that moment, I started to ask what the hell he was talking about, when he whips out his extendable baton muttering "what'd you just say to me?", and then pepper sprayed me in the face! I fell to the ground, blinded, and all I could hear was MovieGuy #2 yelling out "resisting arrest!" Then, I am pretty sure I got tasered in the crotch and passed out.

When I woke up, I was sitting in a dark room in front of a computer monitor with the MovieGuys blog displayed. A Post-It-Note on the side of the monitor read: "Remember, 3 strikes and you're out. Now, get to work you wussy -MG#2".

With a little therapy, I have managed to come to grips with that horrendous event, and I think the brainwashing effect of MG #2's training has mostly worn off. As a result, you can see we are getting along better now and have made some changes to the Site. Not only are we updating more frequently, but we have also updated the page to allow us to display more and better content.

Some new additions include the new Entertainment News section on the right side-bar of the page. This will be updated daily with all sorts of new movie news. Also, below that, we have added links to movie box office revenues from Box Office Mojo. Now you can see which movie made the most money over the weekend. Finally, we added a link to Dark Horizons' list of movie release dates so you never have an excuse to ask us when a movie is going to be released.

We are excited about offering this new content and hope you find it helpful. Remember, to check back often, or add us to your Google Reader for instant notifications of updates. Also, remember to comment and let us know what you want to see on the Site.

Sincerely,
MG #1