Thursday, July 05, 2007

Rant - Enough Already



Has it been 15 minutes yet? Are we almost done with this current fad of torture/gore horror films? Seriously, raise your hand if you don't know what blood looks like by now.


I'm not sure why Tarantino got himself dragged into this mindless type of movie making. He actually has some writing and artistic talent. His acting blows, but as long as he isn't on screen too much it's tolerable. His recent double feature went pretty much un-viewed by most American viewers. His defensive to poor U.S. Box Office numbers: "A lot of American movie-goers can't appreciate these types of films, and don't have the sophistication of British viewers". Are you fucking kidding me? Listening to all the pre-movie hype and interviews with Tarantino, he talked about what a tribute, and throw-back to old 70's and early 80's horror movies the film would be. Guess what Quentin? There is a reason those types of movies aren't made anymore; no one likes them. Thanks for re-creating an obsolete movie genre, then insulting me for being too stupid to appreciate it.


Next is Eli Roth. Creator of such "classics" as Hostel, and Hostel 2. To be fair, I haven't seen either film, and I never will. I already have a pretty good working knowledge of what the inside of someone looks like, and personally don't find watching someone being tortured and mutilated to be that scary. This idiot actually begged and pleaded on his Myspace site after his movie Hostel 2 has only made to date: 17 million, for fans of the film to "go see the movie again, and bring a non-horror fan and try to covert them." He went on to say that the "R-rated movie was going to die with this film if more people don't go see it, and we will all be stuck with PG-13 crap." PG-13 rated movies are not killing the horror movie. It's the fact that that there weren't that many Marilyn Manson loving, molested by their uncle, viewers out there to begin with. And the rest of the people who ever watched this garbage were merely curious, and have since realized that there are only so many ways you can film a handcuffed victim being mutilated before it gets old.


Rodriguez gets a pass because his only error was the double feature with Tarantino. And like Tarantino, he has had a part in movies that I really liked. From Dusk Till Dawn, Desperado, Four Rooms, and Once Upon A Time In Mexico.


Overall, there is one glaring hypocritical point to be made with these movies. These 3 have been all over the media, bashing the current state of horror movies, claiming that the industry has become "cookie-cutter" in nature, and every new horror movie is the same as the last. Really? Clearly this means that SAW I, II, III, Hostel I, II, Turistas, See No Evil, and Captivity were all wildly original? Each of these films is nothing more than the next attempt to shock an audience with nudity and mindless gore. How about writing a story with a plot, and character development.


Not pictured: Rob Zombie, and his ridiculous brand of movie making. This douche nozzle is in another league. To his credit there is at least an attempt at a plot line and character development, but seriously, this guy needs to go get some therapy. It's nice to see that he is almost finished ruining the Halloween franchise. On the surface, that last sentence sounded ridiculous; Halloween ruined itself with endless sequels, however, once again, Rob Zombie and the aforementioned "geniuses" don't appreciate that horror movies (and Halloween is an excellent example) don't need massive amounts of blood and gore to be scary. Seriously, Rob Zombie just needs to make up with his dad and forgive his parents for divorcing, or whatever else caused his dementia. I would give him a cute little puppy dog if I didn't think he would sodomize and eat it.

4 comments:

Movie Guy #1 said...

I appreciate and totally agree with your comments.

As a side note to Eli Roth, did anybody see the last episode of On the Lot? For those unfamiliar, the premise of the show is that each week a group of short-film directors has to make a different type of movie, and then in true American Idol fashion, the worst is voted off. Anyway, in the last episode which focused on horror films, Eli Roth was a "guest" judge, along with usuals Carrie Fisher and Garry Marshall.

When I saw this, I literally thought, WTF? Is Eli Roth the best this show could do? Since when does he epitomize our image of the horror movie writer/director? Why wasn't Wes Craven, John Carpenter or David Cronenberg guest judging? At least these guys have some industry experience and don't just rely on their friends and good looks.

It becomes apparent why On the Lot is not that great of a show when you think about this missed opportunity in guest judge selection.

Anonymous said...

Way to go, MG #2! I totally agree. I want to be scared shitless, not barf my dinner up.

Anonymous said...

I agree too, with all of it...These movies are being made becuase they are relatively cheap to make and for awhile they made good money. When can we have the old Tarantino back...the story teller with great dialog?
And the "Douche Nozzle" comment cracked me up...what the? HA

Movie Guy #2 said...

I'm partial to the word "douchebag", but have used it often lately. Douche Nozzle is a reference to Reno 911 Miami; which was a sub-par movie anyway.