Movie Review - Syriana

Syriana (4 of 5): Okay, first things first. Syriana is a very confusing movie. It will challenge you to keep up, and more than likely wear out your remote as you continually pause the film to figure things out. This movie moves at a fast and relentless pace and expects the audience to have some general, if not intermediate, knowledge of business, government, law and politics. These issues don’t keep Syriana from being a great film though. This movie tells an overall story about oil in the middle east by interweaving five smaller story lines: 1) the story of two US oil companies and the US Department of Justice’s inquiry into their merger; 2) the story of a dedicated CIA field agent assigned to assassinate a middle-eastern Prince; 3) the story of that Prince and his efforts to build his country off the wealth of his oil; 4) the story of a successful young commodities trader and his employment by the Prince in the middle-east; and 5) the story Pakistanis who join a fundamentalist group after being fired from a US owned oil company. All of these stories come together at the end like some sort of 6 degrees of separation puzzle, but it is a complicated ride. However, if you can get over that aspect of the film, this movie does a great job of dramatizing all the intricacies and back-room politics of the oil industry. It attempts to pull away the veil that is too often cast over the public’s eyes by the media, corporations and political officials in their constant spin of the truth, and I think it succeeds in doing so while maintaining a certain degree of anonymity for its fictionalized characters and locals. You’ll feel worn out afterward, but Syraia is worth watching.

Movie Review - Monster House

Monster House (5 of 5): It has been a while since I have seen a good animated movie; Previously, nothing has outdone Toy Story and Shrek. However, Monster House is the most beautifully animated movie I have ever seen. Everything about it, from the detailed facial expressions and movement of the characters, right down to the way a blade of grass moved when stepped on was amazing. In addition, the movie had what a lot of these types of movies lack; a real story and plot. As good as animated films are, they seem to rely heavily on quick pop culture one-liners for humor and entertainment. The story involves a creepy neighborhood house which seems to be haunted. People who walk on the lawn disappear, toys that wind up falling into it's yard also go missing and seem to be devoured by the house. Naturally, the only person to notice these activities is a boy living across the street. With his parents out of town, the boy and his hefty friend (think Chunk from The Goonies) decide to investigate and solve the mystery of the monster house. This may sound silly; but this movie was actually scary! Not in an Exorcist sort of way, but the music, the house, and the overall creepy environment created in the story made it seem like it would be too much for some kids. I would take my kid to see it (If I had one) , but as some of you already know; I already won't be winning any kind of father of the year awards. Monster House was easily the most fun, entertaining movie I have seen all year.

Chick Flicks

Guys, if you are like us, at some point of time with your girlfriend, or wife you have had to sit through a Chick Flick. We all know what these are; they usually star Hugh Grant, Julia Roberts, Sarah Jessica Parker, or some other kind of no talent ass-clown with shallow plot lines involving why men are such losers and my personal favorite; secrets involving sisterhood. No offense to the lovely women readers; but these movies blow.

However, once in a while this genre of movie produces a quality film that does not make guys feel like dirt, and is worth viewing. Especially if you need to plan a "special" night involving letting her pick the movie so you can see the newest blockbuster superhero movie that she has no interest in. It's all about compromise boys.

We here at 2 Movie Guys would like to give you our top 10 Chick Flick picks. (We are each doing 5 because....well, it's way too difficult to come up with 10 each)

Movie Guy #1 says:

1. The Princess Bride
2. Ghost
3. Amelie
4. The Color Purple
5. A League of Their Own

Movie Guy #2 says:

1. Sweet November
2. The Notebook (if your eyes don't tear up during this one, you have no soul)
3. Love Actually
4. Can't Buy Me Love
5. Dirty Dancing (who doesn't love Patrick Swayze?)

There you have it boys. If you have to subject yourself to these kind of movies, these are the ones to go for. So next time you are planning a nice romantic evening in front of the DVD player, run on down to the nearest video store and pick up one of these winners; your girl deserves it for putting up with you.

Movie Review - Munich

Munich (4 of 5): Munich was directed by Steven Spielberg and quietly released last year to surprisingly little recognition or fanfare. Based on actual events, Munich is about Israel’s response to the tragic events of the Palestinian/Israeli hostage crisis during the 1972 Munich Summer Olympics. This movie follows five Israeli Mossad agents in their assignment to hunt down and assassinate the Palestinian men responsible for the tragedy. I really liked this movie. It has a lot of great moments of suspense and intrigue and balances character development with action sequences quite well. I would not classify this movie as being political, but it does touch on the political intricacies of the Israel/Palestine region and raises some excellent questions regarding the appropriateness of response methods to terrorist threats – topics still applicable today, 34 years later. Eric Bana is excellent in this film and proves he can play a major lead role as Avner, leader of the Mossad agents. Bana plays the interesting dichotomy of his character as both family-man and assassin quite well, particularly towards the end of the film when the personal effects of Avner’s actions are revealed. It is unfortunate that this movie did not get more Oscar recognition because it is an excellent film. Check it out.

Movie Review - Superman Returns

Superman Returns (4 of 5): Being a big fan of the original Superman franchise I was very curious to see how this movie would compare to the originals. While watching I began to think "who cares"? This movie should be viewed and judged on it's own merit, not against it's previous installments. It's not as if any of the same cast is starring, nor the same producer. It's been five years since the Man of Steel has been seen on Earth, and after returning from a galactic quest to find the remnants of his home planet of Krypton, he returns to an Earth that no longer needs and depends on him. Even his loved Lois Lane has moved on, with a husband and a five year old son. Superman Returns is a beautiful movie, with a lot of heart and emotion. The effects were very engrossing, and Routh (Superman) really captures the bumbling, clumsiness of Clark Kent. It was uncanny how much he resembled Reeves version of Kent. The only thing distracting me from the movie, (aside from the dumbasses behind me; don't worry, they will be dealt with in time) was Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor. Spacey's Luthor was much more diabolical and evil. I really missed Gene Hackman's Luthor and the comedy that he brought to the franchise. Also, I really would have liked to see Parker Posey as Lois Lane; she is a better actress and even looks like Lois Lane. Overall, I think this movie did the franchise justice, and I look forward to the re-emergence of this comic book icon.

Movie Review - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (3 of 5): Yaaar, matey! I got a chance to see Dead Man’s Chest over the weekend and I enjoyed it. This movie defines the “summer popcorn flick” genre. It’s mindless fun and is everything you expect, just more of it. You get more Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow; more swashbuckling and sword fighting; more ridiculous, but fun, action sequences; more brilliantly computer generated pirates; and the return of just about every character from the first movie. Unfortunately, all this “more” makes for a very long film. Pirates clocks in at around 150 minutes, which felt about 40 minutes too long to me. However, if you like pirates (who doesn’t?), and can look beyond its somewhat pretentious length, you’ll find a fun and enjoyable movie experience with superb and entertaining special effects.

Movie Review - The Life and Death of Peter Sellers

The Life and Death of Peter Sellers (4 of 5) After being completely mortified and disappointed in the most recent Pink Panther installment with Steve Martin (see review below), I was left with a burning desire to watch some classic Panther humor. As fate would have it, at the video store I stumbled upon this movie detailing the life of Peter Sellers. The movie is hillarious and actually quite sad. It fully illustrates what seems to be a prevailing trend regarding some of the funniest, most talented actors; they are usually pretty screwed up in the head. Geoffrey Rush plays Sellers, and eerily re-creates several of his classic characters, along with Sellers drug problems, womanizing, family issues and continual search to define his own personality and identity. Sellers interaction with directors and overall behavior was at times, down-right appauling, and his desperate desire to gain notarity as a serious actor and artist was sad to watch. If you are not a Sellers fan, or at least a Pink Panther fan, it may not be for you, but if you appreciate his work, it is an interesting watch.

Rant - Eating Like A Pig

I first noticed this annoyance several years back while watching Lord of the Rings in the theatre. 2 hours into the movie I became increasingly aware of the sumo-like woman behind me eating her popcorn with her mouth wide open. No matter how hard I tried to ignore it, all I could hear was this woman chewing with her mouth open. After several failed attempts to get her to remember that she was in public, not a barn, I finally turned around and asked her to close her mouth while she eats that 86 oz. bucket of popcorn. Not surprisingly, she was offended, as are all of the inconsiderate douchebags at the theatre these days.

It begs the question: do these people eat like slobs at home? Or do they save these glutton like tendencies for public viewing? Don't get me wrong, I completely condone buying massive amounts of overpriced movie theatre junk food and stuffing myself until naseau sets in; but lets all adhere to the fundamental, polite eating habits that should have been committed to memory back in grade school.

While we are on the topic of eating at the movies, lets go over one other point: Please open all your Twizzler, Milk Duds, Sour Patch Kids, Doritos, or whatever other food you cleverly managed to smuggle into the theatre BEFORE THE MOVIE BEGINS! You probably think you are being quiet and polite by opening your jumbo size bag of pork rinds a centimeter or so at a time, but I hear you. Just open them before hand, all at once, we both know you can't wait to dig your lard ass into all that food.

One final point: We all know that the pre-pubescent acne cursed teenagers that work there are not going to clean the theatre between showtimes, if ever. You need to pick up your own mess, your mother doesn't work there. Or maybe she does, but she's probably too busy figuring out where she went wrong with you.

Movie Review - Amadeus

Amadeus (3 of 5): At some point, I heard this was good movie and filed it away on my “must see” list many years ago. Now, through the beauty of Netflix, I have finally seen it. Amadeus is a period piece about Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (Tom Hulce). The movie chronicles his short, but brilliant, life as a composer. It is presented as a series of flash backs by Antonio Salieri (F. Murray Abraham) – court composer for the Emperor of Austria and enemy of Mozart. As expected, the use of classical music in this movie is outstanding. I also thought the performances of Abraham and Hulce were awesome. The intricacies of Salieri's love/hate relationship with Mozart is presented very well – my favorite scene being at the end of the movie when they are writing music together for an opera. Too bad the movie is so long though, clocking in at almost three hours. Also, you better like opera music because you get a lot of it in this movie as Mozart and Salieri direct their works. In conclusion, I liked Amadeus, but I didn’t think it was anything really special. Generally, it’s just not the type of movie I usually really get into, so I would have a hard time recommending it to most people.

Movie Review - Princess Mononoke

Princess Mononoke (4 of 5): This movie is about a young prince named Ashitaka. After a demon infects him with a life threatening disease he leaves his village in search of a cure. Ashitaka quickly finds himself caught in a battle between the forest's animals and a mining town. Princess Mononoke, a human raised by wolves, leads the animal revolt against the mining town that is stripping the land of its resources. This movie features a great story and is filled with a lot of interesting characters. It’s not a sappy Disney kiddie film either. This movie features an adult story and has some scenes of violence (cool, decapitation!) that push the border of its PG-13 rating. You get gods, demons, samurai, animals, drama and action all in one movie and you definitely don’t have to be a fan of anime to appreciate it. The detailed art design and story will suck you in. Plus, I was impressed with dubbed voice acting too, featuring Gillian Anderson, Claire Danes and Billy Bob Thorton, among others. Check this movie out, especially if you like animated films.

Rant - Kids

Dear "Parents":

As I have recently joined your ranks, I feel the topic of "parenting and movies" should be discussed. I am saddened that so many of you so called "parents" don't understand the meaning of the word: babysit. For those who have never heard of the word, click here for a definition.

Particular attention should be paid to babysitter, the noun of babysit. A babysitter is what you need to hire before you go out to see a movie at the same theater as me. Let me be perfectly clear. If your kid is not over the age of two, it has no place in any movie theater with you, period. If your child is between two and seven (give or take a couple years depending on how retarded your kid is), then I don't mind seeing it in the lobby, but I still don't want to see it in a theater sitting next to me. The only exception to this rule is if I am at the theater to see Garfield: Tale of Two Kitties.

Being a parent myself, I feel like I can speak on this issue. Also, since I love movies and hate your kids, my opinion should be heard. Tell me, what business does your child have watching the same movie I am watching at an hour that should be past its bedtime? I am an adult, your child is not, and that is why we call them children. The movies I see are often inappropriate for children. You, as a parent, should know this, but are likely too selfish and self-centered to recognize the fact. I see movies that are filled with adult themes and content, violence, sex, and drugs, etc. These are topics which your child will not understand until at least kindergarten and thus should not be exposed to at such a fragile young age. Bearing this in mind, it should be apparent that your offspring is going to become bored with a movie it doesn't understand. When kids get bored, they start to do things like: ask you questions; fidget; run up and down the ailes; do the pee-pee dance; kick my seat; and eat things off the floor. These activities, coupled with your inability to properly discipline your child, quickly become a HUGE distraction and annoyance to me and the other moviegoers in the theater.

So, in summary, here is a simple formula to keep in mind the next time you are thinking about bringing your kid to a movie. I have underlined the most important part.

Ticket price + concession items + BABYSITTER PAY = An enjoyable experience that forgoes the unpleasantries associated with your kids watching a movie theater audience beat the crap out of daddy and mommy for bringing them along.





Let's make it a tear free evening at the movies

Thank you,
Movie Guy #1

Movie Review - Night Watch

Night Watch (4 of 5): Russia may not have been able to make communism work; but they are doing a pretty good job with sci-fi/horror. Night Watch, the first part in a trilogy, had a very limited US theatrical release, and was just released on DVD last week. This movie tells the story of an ancient truce, forged between forces of light and the darkness. A world now exists where vampires, shape-shifters, and witches roam the earth, policing each other to ensure that one side does not influence mortals; mortals have to come to the choice on their own as to which side they choose. A series of events shatters the balance, triggering a new war between good and evil. It's really hard to describe this movie; think Blade and The Matrix with a side of Lord of The Rings. Although considered a horror movie, it was more sci-fi fantasy than horror, but there were definetely some creepy scenes. Overall, the movie was highly entertaining, and visually beautiful. The storyline was both detailed and very unique. I am certainly looking forward to watching the forthcoming sequels. Because this movie is probably pretty unknown to most people, I would encourage people to go to one of the convienent movie sites listed on the right and check out a trailer for Night Watch.

Movie Review - An Inconvenient Truth

An Inconvenient Truth (4 of 5): This movie is about global warming. Wait! Please, continue reading. I know for many of you the thought of watching a movie about global warming is not as appealing as say, watching this summer’s "can’t miss" installment of The Fast & The Furious, but I insist, you must read this review and go see this movie. An Inconvenient Truth presents Al Gore’s approximately 30 years of study on the topic. Gore is truly passionate about the subject and it shows. He presents all the facts you need to know in a carefully crafted scientific presentation, using graphs and charts that just about any layperson should be able to understand. His presentation thoroughly details the human race’s contribution to global climate change in a professional and unbiased manner, without any spin and in terrifying clarity. If I have one complaint, it is that his presentation is intercut with details about his personal life and efforts as an environmentalist. These moments seemed to convey him as a martyr and distracted from the core of the film. However, this is a minor quibble to an overall very interesting movie. An Inconvenient Truth is a compelling and thoughtful call to arms about a subject that we as a society have chosen to largely ignore. Unfortunately, global warming is a problem that is not going to go away and I strongly believe that every American has the responsibility to see this movie in order to better understand the subject.

Movie Review - Spongebob Squarepants the Movie

Spongebob Squarepants (4 of 5) Ahhhhhh....Bikini Bottom. If you have never watched an episode of Spongebob, stop reading now; this review will only tarnish my integrity. For the 2 of you still reading, you know that the Spongebob series is a clever, witty, and above all entertaining children's cartoon, created in the same fashion as Ren & Stimpy and The Simpsons to make children and adults laugh. The movie focuses on Spongebob and his "partner" Patrick, as they go on a quest to reclaim King Neptune's crown which has been stolen. The livelihood of Bikini Bottom and all their underwater friends hangs in the balance. (Did I really just write that?) The story was hillarious, as there were several occassions that I laughed hard outloud. Especially when Spongebob and Patrick got "drunk" on ice cream. Ultimately there is a very endearing message that everyone should learn; that you are only as old as you feel, and the most important thing in life is knowing and loving who you are.

Movie Review - The Da Vinci Code

The Da Vinci Code (2 of 5): Since just about the entire world has read the book, this movie should not be much of a surprise. And for those that did not read the book, this movie still won’t be much of a surprise, especially since all the media hype has probably spoiled the ending for many – including myself. I was not impressed with this movie. It was totally cut and dry. I actually felt like I was reading the book while I watched the movie because of the way it is presented as long conversations of characters explaining things to each other. This presentation makes the movie feel like a boring history lesson – and I like history! I think that Director Ron Howard and company were afraid to take any artistic license with this movie, less they alienate the book’s millions of fans. Instead they settled for a long and drawn-out narrative of the book with a few infrequent action sequences thrown in to try and ramp up the suspense level. Unfortunately, this formula fails to hold the attention of the audience.

Rant - Don't Sit Anywhere Near Me

As promised the 2 Movie Guys will be taking to time explore all the annoying and rude behaviors exhibited by the general public, or at least by every moron that sits within a 15 ft. radius of me.

Today's topic asks the question, "Why the hell are you sitting next to me?" Unless it is opening weekend, and you are too excited, or too stupid to stay away from a Friday night opening, you have the right to expect that people don't sit directly in front or behind you! It's really sad that we even have to point out how incredibly rude and bothersome this is. If I get to the theatre first, I should get a nice, open sound barrier around me. There are plenty of other seats, I don't want your bulbous head in front of me, and I don't want to have you breathing down my neck.

One way to alleviate this problem is to bring extra clothes. A jacket, sweatshirt, or soiled blanket from your garage placed in the surrounding seats is a great way to say"These seats are taken, go creep someone else out." You can also use your $20 worth of snacks you just bought, or possibly your children, who honestly shouldn't be there in anyway.

This all may sound a little extreme, but honestly, today's movie-going experience is too expensive to be ruined by people who shouldn't be allowed out of the house in the first place. (See above picture......)

Independence Day = Movie Day

Happy 4th of July! Yes, today is Independence Day; a day full of obligatory family get-togethers, barbeques, parades and fireworks. Take a moment though. Ask yourself… Do you really need all that hassle? Damn right you don’t! You’re an independent American and hassle is for communists! Besides, the Shriners are freaky.

What should you do then? Well, 2 Movie Guys encourage you to exercise your independence by planting your big-fat American ass down on the sofa to watch war movies all day! And guess what? We just happen to have the perfect list of movies to watch. Our list not only entertains, but it also educates just how our country has historically fought for the independence of all our global friends. See, you’re learning, not wasting a day better spent with you family!

So, in chronological order, here are the best Independence Day war movies to watch this July 4th:

1. The Patriot – American Revolution
2. Glory – Civil War
3. All Quiet on the Western Front – World War I
4. Saving Private Ryan – World War II
5. The Manchurian Candidate – Korean War
6. Platoon – Vietnam War
7. The Hunt for Red October – Cold War
8. Three Kings – Persian Gulf War
9. Black Hawk Down – Somalia conflict
10. Independence Day – A prelude to our almost certain future war with extra-terrestrials

And make sure you thank Patrick Swayze this 4th. Because of him we all still speak English, not Russian. What...that was a fictional movie? A group of high school students didn't repell a cold war-era Russian army?

Have a happy and safe Fourth of July!

Movie Review - October Sky

October Sky (4 of 5): This true-story takes place in 1957 just after the Soviet satellite Sputnik is launched. The satellite becomes a source of inspiration for 17-year-old Homer Hickam (played by Gyllenhaal), who refuses to follow in his father's footsteps laboring in West Virginia's coal mines. Homer would rather reach for the stars. With the help of a few friends, he sets about creating model rockets which eventually allow him to compete for a science-fair scholarship and the chance to go to college. I liked this movie a lot. It presented a good story peppered with positive values and humor. The conflict between Homer and his dad was predictable, but well acted and played out. This is a great family movie that encourages one to follow their personal dreams.