Integrity...Service...Downtime

Over the past 6 months, I had very little opportunity to watch any real movies. I did however have plenty of time to sleep on a prison-like bunk, sharing filthy living quarters with a bunch of other guys, (one of which, only owned 2 pairs of torn T.J. Maxx underwear), and taking mildly homoerotic, steamy group showers. In addition, I learned a few things:

1. Drinking 14 shots of Tequila that is older than yourself, can take away your desire for Tequila.

2. Female arm wrestlers, although very tough looking, are in fact not stronger than me.

3. Some movies are not meant to be viewed over, and over again.

Case in point, there were occasional times when there was a "break" in training. During these times, in between insulting each others mothers and and hoarding Oreo cookies, I was able to view a small collection of movies. Some classics, others...well, see for yourself.

Full Metal Jacket (5 of 5): This one gets a good rating, not only because it is a great movie, but it was kind of the theme of the entire training. Running, getting yelled at, a fat guy in my class that looked like Pyle (you know who you are). It certainly provided some great quotes for our time spent. (Times viewed: 2)

Dumb and Dumber (5 of 5): This may seem like a gracious score, but really, it's a movie that still provides laughs each time you see it. Also, I found several new funny lines and actions in the movie that I had never noticed before. (Times viewed: 3)

Smokey and the Bandit (3 of 5): I know this movie is probably sacred to Nascar fans and white trash (is there a difference?), but to people who don't weld, or pour concrete for a living; it's not worth multiple viewings. Although, it is amazing just how "non-politically correct" Sheriff Buford T. Justice is in the film. If you still own a VCR or Beta-Max, go check it out for yourself. (Times viewed: 2)

Blackhawk Down (2 of 5): Josh Hartnett is a clown shoe. I don't buy into any movie he is involved in, and as discussed at length many times before with Movie Guy #1; If there are actors in a movie who I dislike, the movie is pretty much ruined for me. (See: Fight Club) Now, if the movie had Tom Berenger, and was all about sniping bad guys...5 stars easy. (Times viewed: 2)

Spaceballs (2 of 5): I think this movie is horribly over-rated. Maybe because every weekend, it seems to be showing on WGN or TNT, and I am totally burnt out on it, but I have never found it to be that amusing. Not even in the 6 month long mini-hell, was I able to really laugh at any "Schwartz" jokes. (Times viewed: 1)

Marked For Death (2 of 5): My favorite Steven Seagal movie of all time! The only reason this doesn't get a score of 1 of 5, is because at least the soundtrack is good. I use to have it on cassette. It's all Reggae. Also, the fight scenes and dialogue are funnier that Spaceballs. (Times viewed: 1)

Death Warrant (1 of 5): Are you kidding me? Who keeps green-lighting all these Jean-Claudde van Damme movies? It pains me to even rank this with a 1. It must have been a banner year for movies in 1990. This piece of shit, along with Marked For Death were released. I can't believe this movie made $15 million in the theatre.

Now maybe I can get back to real life, and start watching some good movies. Does anyone know when the next Look Who's Talking movie comes out?