As I have recently joined your ranks, I feel the topic of "parenting and movies" should be discussed. I am saddened that so many of you so called "parents" don't understand the meaning of the word: babysit. For those who have never heard of the word, click here for a definition.
Particular attention should be paid to babysitter, the noun of babysit. A babysitter is what you need to hire before you go out to see a movie at the same theater as me. Let me be perfectly clear. If your kid is not over the age of two, it has no place in any movie theater with you, period. If your child is between two and seven (give or take a couple years depending on how retarded your kid is), then I don't mind seeing it in the lobby, but I still don't want to see it in a theater sitting next to me. The only exception to this rule is if I am at the theater to see Garfield: Tale of Two Kitties.
Being a parent myself, I feel like I can speak on this issue. Also, since I love movies and hate your kids, my opinion should be heard. Tell me, what business does your child have watching the same movie I am watching at an hour that should be past its bedtime? I am an adult, your child is not, and that is why we call them children. The movies I see are often inappropriate for children. You, as a parent, should know this, but are likely too selfish and self-centered to recognize the fact. I see movies that are filled with adult themes and content, violence, sex, and drugs, etc. These are topics which your child will not understand until at least kindergarten and thus should not be exposed to at such a fragile young age. Bearing this in mind, it should be apparent that your offspring is going to become bored with a movie it doesn't understand. When kids get bored, they start to do things like: ask you questions; fidget; run up and down the ailes; do the pee-pee dance; kick my seat; and eat things off the floor. These activities, coupled with your inability to properly discipline your child, quickly become a HUGE distraction and annoyance to me and the other moviegoers in the theater.
So, in summary, here is a simple formula to keep in mind the next time you are thinking about bringing your kid to a movie. I have underlined the most important part.
Ticket price + concession items + BABYSITTER PAY = An enjoyable experience that forgoes the unpleasantries associated with your kids watching a movie theater audience beat the crap out of daddy and mommy for bringing them along.
Let's make it a tear free evening at the movies
Thank you,
Movie Guy #1
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6 comments:
I can't tell you the number of times I have been horrifed to be in an R-rated movie with small children. I have seen kids crying in fear while their parents ignored them. That should be a reason to call CYS!
This should also apply to theatre (on stage productions). I've been to several shows in the past few years and they are WAY more expensive than the movies, only to have my chair kicked, the people get up for a bathroom trip, whining, crying and "WHAT?" when they didn't catch a line. Grrrr - no child under 6 should EVER EVER be in the theatre, and only then if you know they are capable of sitting still and shutting up for the duration of the show.
We take our almost one-year-old to the movies . . . at the Drive In. He generally falls asleep during the first movie, and we sit IN THE CAR with the windows rolled up (which makes it really hard to hear him crying if he does - I checked before we went).
Thank You...even though it was kinda nice to see a few kids dressed like superman and pirates these past few weeks they were at 10:00pm or later shows!! And both of those movies are rated PG-13 for a reason! I've said it before, this needs to be a Chicago Tribune or Suntimes front page article! nice post! And your funny too MG#1.
Word Movie Guy. Word.
I was at War of the Worlds last summer (2 of 5) not only did the movie kind of suck, there was a family of 6 behind me with at least one little kid drinking out of a sippy cup. (I don't have kids, and don't really know what that is, but I have an idea) Midway through the movie, the kid dropped his sippy cum causing it to roll under my seat spilling the contents all over the place. I sent it on it's merry way with a swift kick to the bottom rows...what is wrong with these people? Splurge and give the neighborhood $10 so that you can leave for 2 hours. Or lock them in the basement.
I'll never forget the little kids in the theatre when I was at Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Not only were they frightened enough for scaring, the white trash parents wouldn't even let the kids sit in the middle. To top it off, the mom and dad start fighting and the dad tells the little kid to tell the mom to stop being a Bitch or he is leaving. Are you kidding me. DCFS anyone?
Dear Movie Guys, I have personally been to the movie with both of you many times. Although we did not really go before the age of 6 or 7, Your behaviors were equally ridiculous. I think that actually lasted until the age of 21. So along with denying children's driver license's until the age of 21 maybe we should also prohibit entering movie theatres until the age of 21. YER MaMa
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